What women wish men knew about them
From April 13, 2021
Christine Baumgartner, a widow and professional dating and relationship coach provides an ongoing blog addressing the needs of widowers and their families as they try to adjust to the challenges of entering new relationships. Visit her blog at ThePerfectCatch.com and and read her bio here.
Today’s article is for those widowers who are beginning to think about dating as well as those who have actually begun to date. As you go through the dating process, you may find yourself confused by the differences between the way women and men view the world.
This subject gets talked about a lot on my weekly podcast. And then, in a recent podcast it was the sole topic! We filled 60 minutes discussing only this.
This article talks about “what women wish men knew about them”
It is based on highlights from the podcast. If you’d like to listen to the podcast, here’s the link: https://fb.watch/4EPUdj8Xl0/. My co-host Barry Selby (https://www.theloveconfidant.com) provides tips from the men’s point of view and I chime in with the female point of view.
Women tend to like regular contact.
Let’s say you make plans on Tuesday to meet her on Friday, and then don’t connect with her again before Friday.
Women tell me (and I feel the same way) that, in a situation like this one, we like hearing from the guy beforehand just to confirm plans and hear you’re looking forward to seeing us. It makes us feel important and cared about.
As the relationship progresses, it’s helpful if you know how much contact she likes from you in between seeing each other. If she hasn’t said anything about this, I suggest you ask her. Does she like getting a good morning text? A good night text? Does she like hearing from you during the day just to tell her you’re thinking about her? Some women like a lot of contact and some like less, so it’s helpful to ask.
And a quick note about texting – we like it when you let us know you’ve received our text even if you can’t answer it right away. Just a quick – got it, can’t answer right now, will get back to you later.
Women and compliments.
Yes, we like compliments! And, here’s the thing – we like them to not all be about how we look. For example, you could compliment us about something we said in our profile. You’re welcome to say we look pretty or you like our outfit. However, it’s good to balance the conversation so it’s not all about our physicality.
I do appreciate that you’re visual creatures and that you wouldn’t spend time with a woman if you didn’t enjoy how she looked. At the same time, we women appreciate when you see and enjoy us as a whole person (mind, emotions and bodies).
Men – if your relationship has progressed to the bedroom, then bring on all the physical compliments you have. We women will eat them up!
When a woman needs to complain about something, it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants you to fix it.
It’s far more likely that she needs you to just listen. I do appreciate that you’re wired to “look for the problem” and then “fix it”. I also realize you offer “the fix” because you want to make the woman feel better.
Have you ever offered “a fix” and found, not only did it not make her happy, it actually made her mad at you? If this happens, it usually means she wasn’t done airing her complaints.
An additional tip here… if she pauses during her complaining, you can simply say, “tell me more”. These are magic words that help her feel important and cared about because it means you’re truly listening.
It’s important to understand that when we women talk about our feelings (even via complaints), it makes us feel better! If you simply listen as she emotes, you’re already making her feel better (even if this method feels foreign to you).
Bottom line, your “presence” is important to her. When you look at her and give her your undivided attention while she’s talking, she feels your caring deep inside.
When to bring up the topic of sex.
Most women appreciate not having conversations about sex in the first couple meetings (even women who are ultimately interested in having sex).
Additionally, using words like “hon”, “sweetie”, or “babe” during the first few dates may feel too personal to her (and may cause her to feel you’re moving into a sexual conversation too soon). Even if you’ve been raised to use terms of endearment like these – it’s important to know it can be off-putting to a woman you just met. As you continue to get to know each other, these words may become part of your relationship. It’s especially nice if you ask permission before using nicknames, and even better, to ask if she has one she likes.
I know you’ll eventually want to hold her hand, put your arm around her, hug her, kiss her. In past times, it was easier to be spontaneous and just move forward in a gentlemanly way. However, in the current climate, it’s not that simple. So my advice to you is to ask permission before you touch her.
I polled a group of women on Facebook to find out how they felt about the man asking permission. Over 90% of those polled said they thought asking permission is polite and that it would make them like the man even more. A few women said it made the man look weak. However, this number was quite small, so I’ll continue to advise men to ask first.
First date conversations.
Ask us questions! I realize you want to tell us all about you so we’ll like you. And as important as it is for us to get to know you it’s equally important for you to ask questions about us.
Men, if you’re nervous about carrying this off, here’s a method to try. After she asks you something (and you answer), you can then ask her the same question she asked you. She’ll usually have an answer ready and be pleased you’re getting to know her and caring what she thinks. Don’t wait for us to tell you about ourselves. Be proactive about asking about our interests, our children/grandchildren, pet, hobbies, travel, job/retirement, volunteering, and so forth.
So there you have it – a few highlights from our 60-minute podcast.
I hope they’re helpful in your dating life. There’s so much interest in this subject. I also run a weekly Meetup group of about 25 men and women. It took us three weeks of conversation for everyone to air their thoughts on “what women wish men knew about them” and “what men wish women knew about them”!
As always, please let me know how these suggestions for you. And I’m happy to answer any questions you have along the way.
