you're not alone...
Charles’ Lessons for Widowers
By Fred Colby on November 15, 2024
O.K. Roll your eyes! I was roped into watching the new Golden Bachelorette television series. My expectations were low after watching the initial Golden Bachelor series with its sometimes-uncomfortable competition between the women contestants, and the implosion of the resulting marriage. However, I was pleasantly surprised as these bachelors offered a refreshing counterpoint to the typical fare of the other “Bachelor” series.
Why? Because this group of widowers, divorcees, and never-married men bonded during their many weeks together in less-than-ideal living conditions designed with twenty-year-olds in mind (e.g. think bunk beds and four beds to a room). As the weeks unfolded these men provided mutual support and encouragement to each other. They fearlessly shared their most intimate thoughts and concerns with others. Almost all of them felt that the experience greatly benefited them and were looking forward to continued interactions with their fellow contestants.
The surprise celebrity who emerged from the group was Charles, an unlikely romantic figure. Upon first meeting him, he does not strike you as someone who would become the object of affection for so many women viewers!
But that is exactly what he has become since appearing in The Golden Bachelorette premier. The show featured Joan Vassos, an attractive 61-year-old blonde, as the prospective bride-to-be for twenty men vying for her attention. As noted in a USA Today article, “There’s an unpredictability and sweet naiveté about Charles that’s refreshing.”
Charles, age 66, is a retired financial analyst from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He “grew up in rural China and moved to the United States with only $20 in his pocket.” (USA Today, 11/8/24) Charles is a modest, humble Asian man with a self-deprecating sense of humor and demeanor. He is a self-proclaimed non-athlete who helped to win the group’s kickball contest with a timely well-placed boot. He found himself in a situation where he had to dance in a staged “prom,” something he had always avoided; but he came out of his shell and had a blast.
Joan (a widow) kept Charles around until the second to last elimination round. She enjoyed him as a companion who openly discussed the loss of his wife. Like many widowers, he carried guilt over how his wife had died. One participant who was a doctor helped Charles to leave this guilt behind as he explained the probable cause of one symptom she had experienced before death. Charles was visibly relieved to find this out.
Women viewers quickly embraced Charles as a leading candidate for their hearts. Calls for him to be brought back as a future candidate on the next Golden Bachelor show may have resonated with the show’s producers.
WHAT can we learn from this? I thought there were many positive lessons to be culled from the show:
1. Mature older men can be surprisingly empathetic, loving, and supportive of each other
2. When forced to live in close quarters for extended periods, we adapt surprisingly well
3. You don’t have to be super fit, wealthy, or smart to attract intelligent attractive women
4. If we get out there, and build relationships with other men and women, we can learn to be open with others, and this can help us gain confidence as we learn to enjoy life again
5. By interacting with others, we often discover things about ourselves that are wonderful and inspiring
And what about Charles? What a great role model he is for all of us! We can all learn from him. Learn to be: more self-confident, less obsessed with our appearance, more willing to try new things, less fearful about opening up to others, and more appreciative of the friends we do have.
I hope you find some inspiration from Charles and the show as I did.
©2024 Fred Colby, All rights reserved.
