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„Boys Don’t Cry”
By Herb Knoll on February 6, 2019
About the author
Herb Knoll is a widower advocate, author, public speaker and workshop leader, and is the founder of the Widower’s Support Network (WSN). Knoll’s ministry serves widowers around the world and those who love them. His breakout book, The Widower’s Journey is available on Amazon.com in both paperback and in digital formats. To order your autographed copy, see www.WidowersSupportNetwork.com
„Boys Don’t Cry. It’s not manly. Get over it!”
Something was wrong. Men who followed the Facebook page, “Widowers Support Network,” just weren’t actively using it as a grief recovery tool. Then, in March of 2018, it hit me. Widowed men who sought out the services of my ministry, the Widowers Support Network wanted to express themselves and the grief they were confronted with following the death of their spouse or life partner, they just didn’t want to do it in front of (or online with) women. Dah! Makes sense to me. After all, few men enroll in grief groups and those who do rarely complete the entire program. Why? I suspect they don’t want to expose their softer side, their tears, emotions or their vulnerability in front of women who expect them to be strong. As one man described it, “It’s not manly.”
Sometimes, Men Need To Have Their Own Sandbox
Hey… don’t look at me. I didn’t create the environment where we tell little boys as early as when they can first walk that “boys don’t cry”. You won’t find me telling a man who has experienced a significant loss to “get over it!” or “it’s been six weeks, you need to get back in the game.” Our society created this mess all by itself. From our governments at the federal, state and local level, to our industries which quickly banish grieving employees off to some frequently lame EAP (Employee Assistance Program) for three one hour sessions with a counselor, and then claim they are doing all they can to comfort and assist their grieving employee. Really?
Why else do you think our soldiers come back from wars and don’t even speak about the horrors they witnessed? Is it any wonder research found the suicide rate among widowers to be 3-4x higher than that of married men? Want more proof? All you have to do is look at how many books have been released in recent years by America’s publishing industry for women. Try comparing it to those published for men, and you’ll understand what I am saying. In fact, when I was shopping around the manuscript for my book, more than one publisher told me how “men don’t buy books.” One even said we won’t publish a book for widowers, but we are releasing another book for widows this year. I replied, “Men sure can’t buy what’s not on the shelf.”
Where can you find help?
To address this need, the Widowers Support Network introduced “Widowers Support Network – Members Only” (WSN-MO) on Facebook. WSN-MO is a private, secure and confidential Facebook page exclusively available to men. Those who are admitted must be either a widower, a man who is currently serving as a caregiver for a seriously ill spouse or life-partner or simply a good-hearted man who wants to help WSN-MO’s members during their grief journey. All services are free, and the membership roster and mailing list will never be sold or published.
Today, men from sixteen countries from as far away as Australia to Turkey, South Africa to England and across North America enjoy the fellowship afforded them by WSN-MOs band of brothers. This dynamic grief recovery tool (men only sandbox) has long been needed by grieving men everywhere as expressed by its members.
At WSN-MO, any topic is approachable by members. From sports to gardening, grief to personal finance, health to one’s religious beliefs, relationships to sex… members are free to ask questions of one another without being shunned or embarrassed for doing so. Members also enjoy exclusive content written or presented by experts in the fields of grief, finance, relationships, psychology, religion and more.
Know a man in need of a sandbox where he can freely express his concerns and receive support from kindred spirits from around the globe, suggest they join us on Facebook.
