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Guest Columns

What can Matt and Ben teach widowers?

March 20, 2024 by Fred Colby

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck seem an unlikely pair to be teaching Widowers how to heal and regain purpose and joy in their lives. But in fact, they are a great example for us to follow. As I have mentioned before, when a husband dies his wife will likely be… Read More

OVERCOMING LONELINESS AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

February 11, 2024 by Fred Colby

I, and many others who write about the widower experience, often speak of loneliness. Paired with the pain of our grieving, loneliness is perhaps the most threatening challenge we face. Why? Because it often builds upon our grief and spreads its seeds of depression, self-doubts, and regrets. This often leads… Read More

SINGLE UKRAINIAN WOMEN LOOKING FOR OLDER MEN!

January 27, 2024 by Fred Colby

This and similar enticing messages run constantly on dating sites and social media pages used by widowers. Usually, they get your attention with a picture of an attractive young gal about half your age, usually with some cleavage showing. Unfortunately, these siren song messages go along with our being identified… Read More

YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE

January 12, 2024 by Fred Colby

We widowers often hear that soon after the death of our wives we will lose many friends and possibly some family ties. This frequently occurs despite our best efforts to maintain these previously reliable and important relationships. This can result in: Questioning our likability, self-image, and ability to sustain relationships. Read More

NEW YEAR – NEW YOU – NEW RELATIONSHIPS?

January 8, 2024 by Fred Colby

Often after our wives pass, another crisis will come along that shakes us and causes us to confront our current state of thinking about our life going forward. This may be just what is needed to wake us and point us to a more promising future. While being prepped for… Read More

After a lifetime together, surviving spouses can be vulnerable in grief

December 1, 2023 by Brenda Goodman, CNN

(CNN) – At age 99, former President Jimmy Carter has been many things: humanitarian, Sunday school teacher, woodworker, naval lieutenant, father, husband. Now he’s facing a role that’s new to him but familiar to millions of older adults: that of a widower. Carter’s wife of 77 years, Rosalynn, died… Read More

Widower – We Are Worthy!!

December 1, 2023 by Fred Colby

Whether quoting from Wayne’s World or the Bible, the phrase “I am not worthy” may describe how we feel at times after our wives pass away. A ritual of self-condemnation and feelings of inadequacy often overwhelm us, especially when we are alone. It is so easy to fall into a… Read More

Why Are Some Widowers So Angry?

November 13, 2023 by Fred Colby

Shortly after my wife’s death, I went to the mountains by myself for a week and screamed as loud and often as I wanted to. But now, 7 years later, I no longer feel the anger I felt then. I now forget how easy it was to cut myself off… Read More

A SUPPORT CIRCLE CAN HELP YOU HEAL

October 23, 2023 by Fred Colby

Eight years ago, I found myself where many of you are today… in deep grieving mode and without the one person I could always rely upon to hear, support, and love me whenever I was facing a major challenge. I, like many of you, had to decide: Do I hide… Read More

ONE MISSISSIPPI, TWO MISSISSIPPI

October 6, 2023 by Fred Colby

Since your wife died, how often have you been thoroughly confused by the kindness of women towards you? How often have you, even though you know it is wrong, thought there might be something there? I am not embarrassed to tell you that I had many such instances. For example,… Read More